Which type of parenting is most effective during adolescence
Originally posted on 20/06/2023 @ 10:16
Is parenting still possible during puberty? Even if it often seems otherwise, parents greatly influence their children during puberty.
Learn more about classic conflicts and how to master parenting during your child’s puberty.
Parents should be role models for their children
Your daughter is in the middle of puberty. You ask her to do the dishes. She grumbles that there is still time for it later. Annoyed, you explain that you want it done right away.
“Why? Dad and you also left everything the other day and didn’t do the dishes until the next morning.”
Whether it’s washing up, manners, or values, much parenting is about role models. This doesn’t stop at puberty, although it sometimes seems otherwise. Your children are good observers and reflect what they learn at home in their own behavior.
Be authentic and self-confident in what you want to convey. Do not let yourself be influenced by well-intentioned advice in your upbringing if you do not stand behind it. This way, you will remain credible for your child, and always remember that this is just a phase that won’t last forever, so eventually parenting will get easier and more enjoyable.
Reflect on your behavior
A critical look at your own behavior helps to change some unloved characteristics. Your child will notice the difference and gradually adjust.
Stay calm
Teenagers don’t expect perfect parents. It’s more beneficial for them to learn during adolescence from adults who can handle their strengths and weaknesses with confidence. And let’s face it: your daughter may have inherited your dislike of doing the dishes, but she’s also inherited your quick wit, and you can be proud of that, right?
Keep in touch with the child
Your son wants to go to his room and play on the computer. You don’t like that he spends so much time in front of his PC. “Do you have to sit in front of one of your shooter games all the time? They only make you aggressive!” you say, and all you get is an annoyed look.
During puberty, hormones go crazy. That’s why parents don’t understand a lot of what teenagers do during puberty. From your perspective, you are only worried that schoolwork, for example, will be neglected. From his perspective, you don’t give him a breather and generalize things you have no idea about.
Education during adolescence should not be limited to warnings and moralizing. Find out what your child is enthusiastic about at the moment. Real interest builds trust and helps you understand his view of the situation.
Find a good time
Conversations come more easily in a relaxed atmosphere. You can’t force it, but you can always offer opportunities, for example, at dinner, during a car ride, or before bed.
Listen to your child
It’s not easy to listen to some stories and not interject a lecturing comment. But teens shut down when they realize their narrative is being used against them. Try to listen with an open mind and heart.
Tell them about your adolescence
As different as you may be regarding fashion or musical tastes, some of your child’s problems are bound to sound familiar. Tell him how you felt during puberty, how your parents raised you, what you thought was good and what you thought was wrong.
The balance between freedom and limits
Do you think your daughter smokes despite the ban. You secretly search for her handbag and find what you are looking for. When you angrily confront her with the pack of cigarettes, she flips out and yells, “Why are you going through my stuff?”
It’s no secret that adolescents in puberty question their parents’ upbringing, shaking up rules and prohibitions. On the one hand, children now need the freedom to grow up. On the other hand, they need to encounter boundaries that protect them and support them.
Make clear agreements that all parties can “live with”
Talk about the consequences of breaking the rules, which you should also consistently enforce. Otherwise, the rules will soon lose their validity.
Learn to let go
Not every 15-year-old has to be treated absolutely the same. Take your child’s age and sense of responsibility into account when giving them freedom. It also takes a good amount of trust. A breach of trust should have consequences. But also give your child the chance to prove himself again.
Respect your child’s privacy
Going through their cell phone, email or room is a major breach of trust. Even if you don’t like that your child is keeping secrets from you, such an invasion of privacy is not okay.
Disputes are part of parenting during adolescence
Strife is not absent from parenting during puberty, and some conflicts seem to come up repeatedly. Adolescents seek friction during puberty, want to be set apart, and feel cared for at the same time. Even if it’s annoying, you shouldn’t avoid conflicts. Show your child that their safety and well-being are important to you and that you will put up with arguments to achieve this.
Take a breath
Understandably, you want to get rid of your anger right away. But it’s easy to get lost in argument patterns – such as blanket accusations or insisting on old missteps – that lead nowhere in the heat of the moment. Give yourself and your child time to breathe and resolve the conflict later in peace.
Look for solutions
Try to grasp the problem very concretely and find solutions. In this way, you will quickly notice whether an argument is simply being led by a bad mood or a misunderstanding.
Don’t put up with everything
Parents need thick skin, but they don’t have to put up with insults, destructiveness, or fisticuffs from their pubescent children. Make the boundaries clear to your child and explain how hurtful such behavior is. Try to find out the reasons for the aggressive behavior. Parent counseling centers can also help in difficult situations.
Don’t be afraid to seek outside help if you get stuck
Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting during adolescence. In many situations, you can trust your gut feeling. You know your child and will quickly find out where they can manage independently and where they still need support.
Conclusion
Raising a child during puberty can be challenging because it often involves balancing freedom and limits. You must set clear agreements that all parties are able to “live with.” The balance between the two is delicate, but if you give your children enough space while also setting boundaries they should grow up without too many issues.
